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Episode FD‑1422

A NEW GAMER

It is a period of galactic chaos. Somewhere in the Milky Way — probably Earth, possibly his bedroom — a young warrior known only as Fedya has risen to prominence.

Armed with nothing but a controller, an infinite supply of snacks, and a midichlorian count that broke the scanner, Fedya has completed over 9,000 Brawl Stars matches and survived the Fortnite storm more times than any Jedi Council member thought possible.

At the tender age of 12 — which is roughly 0.000000087 Jedi years — he has already mastered the ancient art of staying up past bedtime and blaming it on "one more game."

His GitHub, FD1422, contains code so powerful that even Darth Vader said "impressive… most impressive." (Vader then tried to submit a pull request but forgot to write commit messages, which is very on-brand for him.)

Now Fedya turns his gaze to the stars — not to conquer them, but to learn all their secrets. Because if you know where all the planets are, you can plan the optimal respawn route.

May the Wi-Fi be with you. Always.

0% SKIP

FEDYA

Galaxy Explorer • Jedi Gamer • Earthling (Verified)

GitHub: FD1422

Jedi Profile

Classified document retrieved from the Jedi Temple archives. Please do not show this to Palpatine. He already knows too much.

Age
12
Earth years. In parsecs this means nothing, but it's adorable.
Home Planet
Earth
One of the galaxy's finest planets. Reasonable Wi-Fi. Mild Sith presence.
Midichlorian Count
OVER 9,000
The scanner literally exploded. We had to order a new one from Coruscant.
Jedi Rank
Padawan+
The "+" means he once beat Yoda at Brawl Stars. Yoda has not recovered.
Force Specialty
Force Respawn
An extremely rare ability that lets you come back one more time, every single time.
GitHub Codex
FD1422
Ancient scriptures. Even R2-D2 said the repo structure was "clean, honestly."
Known Interests
Space & Games
Studies stars by day, exploits them by night (in Fortnite).
Sith Risk Level
LOW
Unless someone touches his controller. Then: EXTREMELY HIGH.

Missions Completed

The Galactic High Command keeps a record of every mission undertaken by Galaxy Explorer Fedya. These dossiers are classified — but we're showing them anyway because Fedya insisted.

ACTIVE MISSION 001

Operation Brawl Stars

Codename: "Three Stars or Bust"

Starr Park, Outer Rim Territories
Objective: Achieve maximum trophies before dinner
Threat: Parents entering the room at critical moment
Status: Perpetually ongoing (there's always one more match)
TOP SECRET: Fedya has a favourite brawler and will not reveal it "because it'll get nerfed." This is Jedi wisdom.
ACTIVE MISSION 002

Operation Fortnite

Codename: "Victory Royale or It Didn't Happen"

Battle Island, Unknown Region of the Galaxy
Objective: Be the last one standing. Build like a madman.
Threat: The Storm (not the Jedi one, the blue circle one)
Status: "I was top 10, then this happened…"
TOP SECRET: Fedya's building speed has been measured at "faster than a Jedi reflex." The empire is concerned.
SIDE QUEST MISSION 003

Operation Galaxy Brain

Codename: "Why Is Space So Big Though"

The Observable Universe (and then some)
Objective: Learn everything about space. Every single thing.
Threat: The rabbit hole of YouTube astronomy videos
Status: 3am, 47 tabs open, no regrets
TOP SECRET: Fedya once told Yoda that space is just "the big map between game servers." Yoda wept.

Space Intel

Classified galactic facts, personally curated by Fedya after approximately 900 hours of space documentaries (running in the background while gaming).

The Sun Is Just a Big Campfire

The Sun is so huge that 1.3 million Earths could fit inside it. That's roughly the same number of times Fedya has said "one more game" to his parents. Coincidence? Probably.

Space Has No Respawn Delay

In space, if you fall into a black hole, there's no respawn. This is the one place more brutal than Fortnite. Scientists call this "spaghettification." Fedya calls it "a harsh meta."

No One Can Hear Your Victory Scream

Sound doesn't travel in space. This means that if you get a Victory Royale on the Moon, no one can hear you celebrate. On the other hand, your teammates can't hear your excuses either. Win-win.

Time Dilation Is Peak Gaming

According to Einstein, time passes slower when you're moving fast. This is why five minutes in a Brawl Stars match feels like five seconds, but five minutes of homework feels like the heat death of the universe.

Stars Are Just Dead Friends

Most stars you see at night exploded thousands of years ago. You're looking at ghosts. Space is basically one giant memorial server and nobody told us. Very dramatic, space.

Mars Has Terrible Ping

The signal delay between Earth and Mars ranges from 3 to 22 minutes. That is an unplayable 22-minute ping. No online game is possible. Fedya has formally declared Mars "uncolonisable" for this reason alone.

Galaxy Defender

The Empire has launched an attack! Defend the galaxy, pilot. Play solo or invite a friend for co-op multiplayer.

Galactic Guestbook

Leave a message for Fedya from across the galaxy. Requires a GitHub account. No Sith allowed.